For my instagram and facebook followers, you all already knew that I had moved to Los Angeles on my own late fall/winter time briefly. Unexpectedly I had to leave home and figure things out on my own with little resources. I had left real estate and began working at Bank of America in the Foreclosure department, which was definitely my safety net. Running around LA was fun until it hit December and things in my personal life seemed to unravel; BofA was laying off especially my department so I was let go, my good friend from middle school had apparently accidentally shot herself, my grandfather from Puerto Rico had passed away, and, here's the big one, I was arrested for DUI on my way home from Fullerton. I never once thought that I would find myself in jail, let alone getting caught for drinking and driving, which I'm not that into drinking and clubbing to begin with. I was texting, so that gave me away, I blew a .089 which is so low I wasn't even intoxicated. Super frustrating, I hate clubbing and that whole scene, it's pretty stupid and pointless (to me) so to be in so much trouble for something I'm not fond of was so disappointing.
My dad was so upset with me, but agreed to help me with an attorney with the obvious contingency that I move home. I was broke, out of a job, due in court a month from my arrest, and had gained like 25lbs from eating lots of $10 all you can eat kbbq (thanks Steve, ah that bulgogi). Although DUIs are fairly common nowadays, I feel like this was my wake up call to clean my act up and really reach for my absolute potential every single day which had not been this case for a while. Jail served its purpose; rehabilitation, and despite it being for about 12 hours or so, I knew I needed to seriously think about the major life changes I was about to have to make the second I stepped out to the rainy and cold street of DTLA.
A year and a half ago I began living in the fast lane as a young realtor with my mother who was and still is very incredible at her job. I now see that having that kind of money, a brand new Mercedes C250 and a big ass private office at 20 years old got to my head quickly. I had forgotten where I came from and was forced to eat a whole humble pie, which was my spiral downwards and eventually landed me in jail and started with a horrible break up. Usual the case with us ladies; we have a horrible break up, get treated lower than shit and we start subconsciously acting out.
My roommate in Highland Park was a raw vegan and had inspired me to try it eventually, what better time to make the commitment sitting in the huge housing area of jail, burlap sacks for blankets, and 25lbs overweight? I am more spiritual than religious although I still carry a catholic base of belief; I had a very raw and honest conversation with God. I promised if I was blessed with the strength to pull fluffy self out of jail, I would give back and inspire others to change their lives for the better too. My friend Drew picked me up from jail and really helped me not pity and sulk, but a real look and what could happen but that I would be ok no matter what. Having that tough love support was what I really needed right at that point in time.
The day I left my adorable home in LA I started the first steps in becoming a vegan, I felt as if I could be disciplined and accountable with something so essential yet basic in life, it would trickle down to every other aspect of my life that needed working on. So much had gone horribly wrong in my life in such a short span of 4 months, I was so depressed and acting out irresponsibly. The first two weeks of being vegan were so awful. I hated it so much. My body was so beat up mentally, physically and nutritionally that I experienced a true detox. My vision was blurred, sweating, shit coming out of my tongue, and a constant migraine. Of course other things that are too graphic to write about occurred too, but that was all apart of my body healing and ridding itself of toxins and the shock of true and pure nutrients. On and off for about 3 days at a time for two weeks this happened until I woke up one day and it felt like I was in a new body, the pain, the sluggishness had vanished. That was the day I was truly a vegan.
The arrest happened December 29th and my court date was January 22nd. My father helped me with an attorney, James Wang from Rowland Heights, who had amazing reviews and was referred to me by 3 friends. James did an incredible job and got my case dropped to a speeding exhibition. Thankful that I did not have to deal with a misdemeanor for 10 years, I still had fines and had to deal with the DMV. My fines total at $1,116 and the DMV suspended my license for 6 months. It's still a pain in the ass no matter what, I also am on probation for 2 years, which means no more bar fighting... Totally kidding. As much as it sucks, I know this will force me to be even more responsible than I have been.
In the meantime, being vegan was starting to become more apart of normal life and I was aggressively job hunting to start working on my fines and paying my dad back.
February was interesting, I was hired at the bank, but it was resinded since my brother and I got hired at the same time there; conflict of interest, so I poured myself into working out and being vegan. Eating healthy was slimming me down some, but I decided it was time to take it seriously and work out by kicking my own ass. This is when I started Turbo Fire, pretty tough HIT program, it was working within 2 weeks, eventually completing Insanity and Asylum this month. This was the official beginning of my fitness journey.
Many of you never knew that I had a close friend from high school that I had cared about very dearly and had left for the army few years ago. Last year the day before Valentines Day he wrote me an amazing love poem basically telling me he had felt the same way I did since we were 16/17 years old in high school, but he was in basic training in Oklahoma. We had tried dating as a long distance and eventually decided we wanted to get married before he left for South Korea. That fell apart right before he left and we lost contact for about 9 months until exactly a year to the day ironically that poem was sent to me.
I couldn't stop thinking of Clifton when my life was in turmoil, so I emailed him and again, something that I thought was very special blossomed once again, but this time, he was coming home for a month in May. Things would be different this time around.
March rolls around and consistency had finally showed itself in my daily life. I was hired at a better position at the bank, my body was dropping pounds like crazy, and my relationship was starting to grow stronger than it had been last year, not to mention my 22nd birthday was on the 28th. At this point, I was starting to plan for Formula D Long Beach and was so excited to be back on the track on my very own dime and armed with a new set of skills I had been picking up.
April rolls around, at this point I am 20lbs lighter, blonde, and happy. My boyfriend was coming home at the end of the month, an old friend Julius had promised me media credentials for the Long Beach Grand Prix, and I was shooting Round 1 FD with the proper camera setup; canon 7D with a 70-200 lens. That whole day was so much fun and like the first day of school. So much had changed in the past three and a half months and had made it in one piece, a better piece, to the one thing that meant the most to me. Seeing all my friends again and making new ones made me forget about every challenge that I was facing at the time and was a great escape. The next week rolls around, and after much running around, Julius, who I thought was my friend, had lied about media credentials and ended up not shooting the grand prix. At that point, it was another two weeks until my boyfriend was to come home from South Korea after almost 2 years being away from home, including basic training. The week before the Grand Prix, Clifton and I had realized we loved each other and wanted to follow through with what we wanted the year before; get married. You would think after how strong I became I wouldn't do something of this magnitude so casually and actually think things through. No, I thought I was in love and thought I was loved back and believed in my heart that this was the person I would spend my last days on earth with. I was so happy. My life was, in my eyes, completed.
This is where I believe my strength was tested, from my depths of my soul to the fibers in my heart, I was tested.
At this point, I didn't care about my friends, family, or drifting ventures, I was going to move to Texas to be with my husband and photography and writing would just have to wait for at least two years. The day Clifton was leaving to come home for a month I get a message; "I'm sorry, I just can't do this. I can't do what my heart wants". 3am my time. No real explanation, it had all meant nothing and I was left to sob in pitch dark, alone.
The next morning was so hard, I could hardly breathe. I cried all fucking day and wasted a whole day that I will never get back. The following morning I get a message from Cliff on his US phone that he was home and we needed to talk when he came home. The day he came home was so surreal, I was working and got off at 1130. When I got home from work, we talked briefly and he had called me over to his house to talk, of course I went running over. It was like seeing a ghost from the past and unreal. After talking, crying, hugging and cuddling we realized that we were after all, staying together. This back and forth went on for the first week; go over in the middle of the night like a teen, and sneak out. I was physically exhausted, especially since I would stay up till 4 talking to Clifton on Korean time.
His welcome home party was the worst surreal thing ever; I was ignored, his wonderful friends treated me like shit, judgment was passed, I wasn't even spoke to or acknowledged by someone who claimed they wanted me to be their wife. The next week and a half were my personal hell thanks to Clifton and the yes lets be together, no I don't ever want to see you again until he just stopped one day talking to me. I was so hated for no reason, no reason, no explanation except his "friends" said a "rude" comment about me, therefore it made him "rethink loving you" as well as Sarah Jo, his sister, who I thought was my friend, bashing me behind my back, showing him messages I sent her about Clifton and saying awful untrue things about me; this after her taking me to church and proclaiming how much of a holy person she was and how I was so "weak and nothing as a human" for not being Christian. Eventually one night I just went over and cried (after two drinks) and basically told him I was forever done and dead to him. Unfortunately for me, Clifton's roommate Josh and I had planned to surprise him by me going to Texas out of the blue right after he was settled in his new home; I was stuck with this ticket and just thought I shouldn't waste it and go visit this Josh character that I had known for a little and his friends.
Fun trip, but that was my only closure, the fact that Clifton felt it was funny to walk away from setting the tone of marriage and leave me with nothing but wondering what happened.
To this day I still do not have a real reason for what happened, and I am so thankful for the failed engagement to this boy who knew me better than anyone breathing and living. The inspiration and drive I lacked was revived, I know I am better than what I was dragged though.
The day I came home, I was sleep deprived and one reminisced memory from coming apart in the form of tears. What was the logical thing to do? Take a nap and go cover Thunder on the Lot of course! I literally jumped off a tiny jet and went to Lancaster. I needed to be around these absolutely crazy kids that make my day so much brighter. The event was incredible, everyone brought their A game and was drove like truly spirited grassroots. I laughed so hard I lost my voice and cried from how much my stomach hurt. Then, I met my friend Eric and his friends in the cigar lounge and learned they were apart of Rob Airth's team. Rob had driven like he was already a Formula D veteran. He literally came out of nowhere. After getting to know him and his team a little, I began to hang out with this amazing group of people and exactly where they come from.
Meeting team RHQ right after the boy fiasco was what I needed to help get my mind off things that were happening with work, my failed engagement and that was about it.
It's been 8 months since I've returned home to Ventura County and began my journey of rebuilding my life. So far, I've lost just a hair shy of 40lbs, still vegan, still working out, and still determined. I've left my position at the bank and returned to real estate with my mother after a much needed break from each other and it has been so wonderful. I am taking my photography so much more serious and branching out to other areas of the motorsport world as well as different ventures. I am young, 22 years old and was distracted by things that were not important at all, but I have made a promise most importantly to myself that is to first and foremost, be single and alone for at least a year. I don't want that distraction from photography, writing, and drifting, I don't like being patchy, and being consistent with it has been so much fun. I have my moments where I am sad, and I take them in strides and deal with them instead of pushing them down, but I remind myself that I was happy before, during, and after my fiance. The past 10 months have only made me a stronger woman and I am looking forward to what the 2014 season brings.
I am looking forward to getting this blog under control, making it a dot com program, updating the posts from my phone, expanding my photo talent and whatever else it brings.
Thank you to everyone who has always follow my blog from day one, my instagram adventures, and to those who have read this entire entry, I feel its important that people know I am human and still growing but always up to answer every challenge with grace and courage.
Love always,
the Drift Bunny
(Emma Yvette)
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