Going to pick up the prescription refills I am informed to bring paper towels, popcorn, and some cat toys. CVS should cover those bases, I reassured my tired self. I found the last cat laser and knew this would keep Hope and Yukio busy and entertained. The joy and fascination of them both was the best part of the hectic day. I can't begin to describe how big both our smiles were. It's always worth it to see him smile. I hope they play with that all day today, I really do. Laughter is one of the best medicines.
This made me realize the importance of my job as a caregiver. Not only to provide care for someone who can't care for themselves, but also love and happiness. I love that fucking laser and cat. Best decisions made. Another decision that brings much relief was shutting down Facebook and Instagram (because I'm a sociopath apparently, remember? lol). It was interesting and awkward at first to not see EVERYTHING and "be in the loop". However, it feels about 100x times better to be out of a toxic environment. An environment where cheap, cryptic shots are taken at me; It's all shit no matter how you slice it. Why talk about it then? Because I am human in this situation too, and it is unacceptable how certain situations have been handled.
One of Yukio's dearest friends from the Subaru club created a really awesome website for him. There, I will be posting weekly/bi weekly updates and short videos on Yukio's recovery. I am so happy to say that he has had a good 4 weeks with a new found sense of motivation. We are also starting a video project with some talented videographers showcasing what life is like after stroke. It will give Yukio a chance to express himself and show his story, especially since it was never my place to tell it.
I hope what can be taken away from this project is that a stroke doesn't care who you are, what you do, or what your plans were. One as devastating as Yukio's, ripped him from the fabric of his life and tossed it upside down. He is a survivor, not a statistic, and I can't wait to give Yukio the chance to show a small slice into his beautiful road recovery. One of the last conversations I had with Yukio, I told him "life is not black and white, it is colorful. It is beautiful". He now lives that every day.
The Pink Adventures of the Drift Bunny
Friday, October 16, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
FD IRW
Well, we did it. Yukio had a goal to make it for Irwindale and he achieved his goal. In the beginning, his condition was horrendous and heartbreaking. Someone had visited him early on and said he was happy and doing great, which was farthest thing from the truth. He was 99% dependent and could barely say yes or no. Fast forward to 5 months later, he is smiley (no more facial droop yay!) vibrant and embracing life. Words can't describe how proud I am of how far he came. The original prognosis was a minimum of 6 months in a rehabilitation facility. He completely smashed the expectations. He went from having less independence than a one year old to being able to feed his new cat on his own. For a stroke patient, this is equivalent to training and completing a half marathon.
From the darkest pits of depression, to letting everyone know he is "doing fine". The day before was a reunion for the rehab at Company of Mary. One of the best rehabs in the country, we shared our story amongst other survivors and their families. His therapists and nurses were so amazed to see how he was progressing and wished us well. We are looking forward to outpatient there, wouldn't go anywhere else.
Despite the record breaking heat, we managed to go around the paddock twice with one of Yukio's closest friend. I know there are handfuls of people we were unable to see, but I tried to bring him everywhere. About 4 hours in, he realized that he wouldn't make it the whole night and preferred to get a burrito instead. We ended up at curry house, go figure!
Although I know I am not very welcome, it was not as bad as I thought. Only two or three people were cold or nasty, but not as bad as anticipated. I realized for every one negative and ignorant person, there are three or four friends that were very supportive. It was then I realized that is how you have to view life; focus on the positive. You attract what you put out there, karma comes around, so always find the light. My focus right now is creating a cushy life and stable recovery for my best friend. For now, the battle continues with insurance hurdles and a constant flow of therapy. His speech has dramatically improved the past few weeks, so much so that he has learned to tell me what he wants; cable.
He even told me he wants HBO and 200+ channels. Anything for you, my love.
From the darkest pits of depression, to letting everyone know he is "doing fine". The day before was a reunion for the rehab at Company of Mary. One of the best rehabs in the country, we shared our story amongst other survivors and their families. His therapists and nurses were so amazed to see how he was progressing and wished us well. We are looking forward to outpatient there, wouldn't go anywhere else.
Despite the record breaking heat, we managed to go around the paddock twice with one of Yukio's closest friend. I know there are handfuls of people we were unable to see, but I tried to bring him everywhere. About 4 hours in, he realized that he wouldn't make it the whole night and preferred to get a burrito instead. We ended up at curry house, go figure!
Although I know I am not very welcome, it was not as bad as I thought. Only two or three people were cold or nasty, but not as bad as anticipated. I realized for every one negative and ignorant person, there are three or four friends that were very supportive. It was then I realized that is how you have to view life; focus on the positive. You attract what you put out there, karma comes around, so always find the light. My focus right now is creating a cushy life and stable recovery for my best friend. For now, the battle continues with insurance hurdles and a constant flow of therapy. His speech has dramatically improved the past few weeks, so much so that he has learned to tell me what he wants; cable.
He even told me he wants HBO and 200+ channels. Anything for you, my love.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Wednesday Practice
Yukio and I were invited to a practice yesterday at Irwindale Speedway. The place where I experience my very first Formula Drift 9 years ago, where we first met two years ago. I thought it would be a good trial run to see how difficult it was with a wheelchair. It's not easy (no shit Emma). Seeing that smile and hearing that "OH NO!" when he saw some of his friends made everything worth it. It always does, it's indescribable how much joy I feel to see another human that I love so ecstatic. The feeling of being unwelcome is definitely overshadowed but Yukio's smile, it always is. There are not enough adjectives in the two and a half languages I know that can describe how his happiness melts the world away when Yukio smiles and says "thank you".
Being on the track was emotional for me (selfish statements coming, watch out). I've been raised to have an unbiased compassion for everyone I meet, which is why I have always tried to be friendly with everyone. Unfortunately, when you hold people to your standards, you will constantly be disappointed and stressed. So let it go. When we were at Care Meridian, we had talked about whether or not we should or should not go to this event. We decided that we would stand together and go. The past few months have flown by, but felt like years to get to that point yesterday. Again, seeing his smile made the time and the bullshit stand still.
I'm very proud of my partner for not giving up. We have traveled so many highs and lows, but he never gave up. He is still embarrassed by how his stroke has left him, but I always remind him to embrace what is now apart of him. I always told him "if you give up, I will drag you to the finish line. I'm not going to let you give up on yourself". For someone who was at the more dependent state of existence to now, it makes me wonder the story he'll tell one day.
I hope that one day we will be old together in the garage, working on the Subaru, and talking about how we made it against all the odds. But one thing I have learned, is that life is uncertain, it is unpredictable. One thing I do know, is that no matter what we will always love each other deeply. Life is not black and white, it is beautifully colorful.
Thank you team Achilles for making Yukio feel so special yesterday.
Being on the track was emotional for me (selfish statements coming, watch out). I've been raised to have an unbiased compassion for everyone I meet, which is why I have always tried to be friendly with everyone. Unfortunately, when you hold people to your standards, you will constantly be disappointed and stressed. So let it go. When we were at Care Meridian, we had talked about whether or not we should or should not go to this event. We decided that we would stand together and go. The past few months have flown by, but felt like years to get to that point yesterday. Again, seeing his smile made the time and the bullshit stand still.
I'm very proud of my partner for not giving up. We have traveled so many highs and lows, but he never gave up. He is still embarrassed by how his stroke has left him, but I always remind him to embrace what is now apart of him. I always told him "if you give up, I will drag you to the finish line. I'm not going to let you give up on yourself". For someone who was at the more dependent state of existence to now, it makes me wonder the story he'll tell one day.
I hope that one day we will be old together in the garage, working on the Subaru, and talking about how we made it against all the odds. But one thing I have learned, is that life is uncertain, it is unpredictable. One thing I do know, is that no matter what we will always love each other deeply. Life is not black and white, it is beautifully colorful.
Thank you team Achilles for making Yukio feel so special yesterday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)